Rachael Ray's Late Night Bacon Recipe & Life's Other Gastronomic Conundrum Solved For You!

(Parody) If you are a regular reader of mine for any length of time, you know of my love for the awesome recipes coming out of foodnetwork's test kitchens. I am not usually one to write about them, but when this complex recipe from Rachael Ray was brought to my attention, I realized that there was a real need to bring to you my, readers, explanations of this as well as some of the other recipes you may be wanting to make, but are too intimidated to try.

First, with all due credit to the foodnetwork and Rachael Ray, I will reprint her awesome recipe here for your enjoyment along with my comments and a link to it on foodnetwork.com, in case you get a bit confused.

Rachael Ray's "Late Night Bacon" Recipe

see it here on foodnetwork's site to verify!

Ingredients

8 slices of bacon. (Now here's where it gets complicated; Can we substitute turkey bacon? Should it be center cut, thick cut, maple flavored? Is there any particular brand? So many questions left unanswered....)

Method
Place 2 sheets of paper towel on a microwave safe plate. Lay the bacon out on the paper towel not overlapping the slices. Place 2 more sheets of paper towel on top. Place in the microwave on high for 4 to 6 minutes. Serve.
(Whoa... wait a minute, u can't just leave me hanging like this; I looked but couldn't find the place on my plate that told me if it was microwave safe. Should I call the manufacturer, or can I get that info from foodnetwork support? What kind of paper towels? Does the design on the paper towel matter? Can I substitute toilet paper for paper towels? What happens if I accidentally overlap the bacon and should I use a face mask to protect myself just in case? Lastly, can I only make this at night, or do I have to modify the recipe if I want to make this say.. in the morning...for breakfast?)
If you have any trouble with this, my email is always open to you. please be careful.

So now that we have covered bacon, the following is a recipe that I have toiled over in the GGM test kitchens, in order to make sure you can enjoy this gourmet delight at home. Feel free to improvise and substitute, but only if you've had some training and are if you are feeling very, very adventurous.

Lou's Bleached Flour Bread Slices w/Peanut Mash & Grape Gelee
(can be eaten anytime)

For the bread
Ingredients
2 slices White bread*
(*for the more advanced cook, you can substitute the white bread with bread that has little little bit's of grain and seeds, sometimes called whole grain)

For the Peanut Mash
Peanuts
Oil
Salt
(Store bought 'peanut butter' is a perfectly acceptable substitute and there is no need to feel guilty for making the recipe more convenient and easy. No one would blame you. Cooking from scratch is hard.)

For the Grape Gelee

Grapes
Sugar
(Again, store pre-prepared jelly is perfectly acceptable to use. It even comes in different flavors, such as orange, strawberry, etc., but don't get too adventurous here. Stick with jelly as most of your guests may not be ready for marmalade*)
*I'll cover marmalade in another post. It's too complicated to explain here.

Method
Now here's where things get tricky, so pay attention. Carefully place one slice of the bread in the center of a plate. Leave one aside to finish presentation. Spoon 2 tablespoons of the peanut mash mixture onto the bread. I like to microwave my peanut mash prior to serving and actually pour it onto the bread instead of trying to spread it out in order to prevent the bread from balling or tearing and ruining the presentation. I am no Sandra Lee and am afraid to try spreading it without training. Carefully insert a teaspoon into the grape gelee or jelly and put some on the spoon. Now ever so gently, place atop the peanut mash and carefully spread til it covers all the mash. Next, carefully place the remaining white bread slice we set aside atop the gelee, being careful to line up all sides evenly. Serve with a glass of milk.

Should you have any questions feel free to email me and I'll walk you though it. Next week we'll cover a very intimidating topic; "How to make perfect Toaster Waffles.' But bring your A game and possibly have a friend assist you, to help avoid burns or serious injury. Enjoy.

As always, Bon Appetit!

Lou